


Your Holiday Glow Heals My Soul

by Crimson_Bebop



Series: Gallavich Advent Calendar [1]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Lights, Decorating, Domestic goodness, Established Relationship, Holidays, M/M, Married Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich, Mickey may actually be Martha Stewart, Self-Growth, Working through mental walls, gallavichadventcalendar, xmas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-01
Updated: 2018-12-01
Packaged: 2019-09-04 23:03:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16798810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crimson_Bebop/pseuds/Crimson_Bebop
Summary: This is set after the events of Dreaming of a Shitty Apartment. But, I think this might stand-alone enough if you haven't read that.I used the promptLightsfrom the #gallavichadventcalendarSummary: Mickey struggles to understand Ian's love for the holidays.





	Your Holiday Glow Heals My Soul

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This idea came to me immediately when I read the #gallavichadventcalendar prompts.  
> This takes place a few months after the end of Dreaming of a Shitty Apartment, so they're all settled into their new place with lovely bands on their ring fingers ;)

A very loud thud woke him, and his instincts implored him to sit up and cock back a fist. What he spied in the dimly lit bedroom had him groaning and rubbing his eyes.

“What the fuck, Gallagher?” whined Mickey.

Ian was frozen, looking guilty, where he was reaching for a box that had clearly fallen out of their closet. “Sorry,” murmured Ian, “I was trying to be quiet.”

“Don't you have work?” grumbled Mickey as he laid back down and tried to regain the warmth from his pillow.

“Yeah, I just wanted to get these out now,” returned Ian, as he lifted the box from the floor, “Since Mandy's gonna stay with us and my family's coming here for Christmas, I thought I'd put up some decorations.”

Mickey rolled to his stomach and looked to the box, which had words scribbled on the side of it in permanent marker: _Xmas lights._

“I probably won't put up a lot,” said Ian lowly, as if he expected Mickey to make fun of him.

Guilt swelled tightly in Mickey's throat as he looked away from Ian. Last year, their first Christmas together, had been a bit uncomfortable. There wasn't a single drop of Christmas cheer in Mickey, even though it was his first holiday spent outside of prison in a long time, and the first one spent with Ian in their new life together. He just wasn't wired to feel anything about the jolly day. And it had been painful to explain that to Ian, who was like an excited child every time they heard a holiday song in the store.

Mickey's mistake didn't really register until they had gone to Aniyah and David's and he watched Ian light up brighter than all their decorative lights, singing praises of placement of everything and happily talking to their son about Santa.

Ian had attempted to decorate their small apartment with Mickey, who just scoffed at the idea of giving two shits about such a money driven day that masqueraded as something magical. It was just to get consumers to waste more money than they had, effectively going into debt, just because of some idea that it would be unforgettable and blissful. It was really just another excuse to eat too much and open presents.

Mickey had been _the Grinch_ , not in a fun way, and he realized that when he had watched Ian deflate in their old dining room. Then when they went to the Gallagher's and Ian had smiled so happily, had laughed hard, had endlessly talked about memories that the rest babbled their own versions of, it set in even more. All the while Mickey had sat on the couch sipping beer and munching on snacks. He had felt like an embarrassment, and it had been a self-loathing cycle he found impossible to escape from.

“Put up as much as you want,” replied Mickey quietly, then going as far to offer, “I could help.”

“You don't have to,” stated Ian with a half-smile that actually hurt Mickey to look at. “I just want to make it a little Christmas-y in here, because this is the first time we've hosted a holiday. You don't have to worry about a thing, I'll take care of it all.”

Mickey frowned and found himself feeling cold, even in the bed he had warmed for the last nine hours. He sat up and glanced around the room uncomfortably.

“Look, I'm sorry about last year,” began Mickey, pushing the words out of his mouth, “I know I didn't exactly make it a fun fuckin' time. But, this shit is just really new to me, ya know? I don't have any good memories with all this bullshit.”

“I understand,” nodded Ian, “You don't have to push yourself, alright? I want you to really enjoy it all, so just let me take care of it.”

Mickey raised his gaze to Ian, who seemed to be shifting uncomfortably with the box still in his hands. Ian always seemed to have so many feelings about the dumb holiday, and Mickey actually hated that he couldn't get on his level. He _wanted_ to feel those things, too.

“Why do you like it so much?” asked Mickey, with a genuine need to understand.

Ian shrugged a bit, looking down to the box of lights. A quiet moment passed and Mickey felt worse and worse.

“We couldn't ever afford the classic Christmas that you see in movies, but we made do with what we had, and they were some of the best times we had together. They were just reminders that even though life was shitting all over us, we could still be a family, you know what I mean?”

Mickey felt a twinge of jealousy. He could see wanting to recreate that, if he had had anything resembling that in his past. His holidays had just been filled with resentment and shame.

“They're your family, now, too, Mick,” offered Ian with a small smile, “It's okay to explore what it's like, or what it means to you.”

“Guess I never really thought of Christmas like that,” shrugged Mickey, dropping his sight to the comforter covering his legs. “Didn't even think about it being a family thing. How dumb is that?”

He heard and felt Ian set the box down at the end of the bed and then he was sitting beside Mickey, reaching out to his hand. Mickey glanced up and hated the sympathy he found in his green eyes. That's not what he was looking for. He focused on the feeling of Ian's hand covering his.

“It's an understandable adjustment for you,” said Ian kindly, “But, even if we didn't have my family, or Mandy, or Aniyah and David, _we're family_. You're my family, Mick. And to me, Christmas is just a day to celebrate family and show your love for them.”

He could see why Ian would like that. That shit was his bread and butter. But, as fucked as it was, to show love innocently for family like that, without ulterior motives, was a strange concept to Mickey. Especially on a god damn holiday.

“And the decorations are just, like...I don't know. Festive symbols of a fun family day, I guess. They're beautiful and happy and they make me feel like all the bad shit in my life never existed, or didn't matter. I know that's weird, but.”

Mickey quirked his lips up on one side and shook his head, “It's not weird. It's fucking totally you.”

Ian snorted a laugh and glanced at the clock on the nightstand beside them. He let out a sigh.

“I gotta get to work.” He leaned forward to give Mickey a kiss, then another one. And smiled warmly at him as he sat back. “Don't worry so much about it. I get it now that Christmas wasn't always warm and fucking fuzzy for everyone. I know you can't help it, so it's not like I'll be mad if you don't join in with the stuff.”

Mickey nodded and forced his smile wider as he watched Ian go, leaving the box of lights in the corner of the room. He sat in bed for a while longer, even after he heard the front door shut downstairs behind Ian.

The truth was, Mickey still had an invisible wall up that he didn't know how to tear down. He was sure it would feel amazing to touch on something as normal as happily celebrating the holidays, but when his were always filled with either the opposite or just emptiness, he didn't know how to condition his body to expect anything different.

Although, at the same time, when he thought of Ian smiling happily under small twinkling lights, he felt a warm spark within himself. Even if he felt nothing about the holidays, he certainly felt a lot for Ian, and if it would bring that ginger giant even the tiniest bit of happiness, then he would try his hardest to give him a good holiday.

Mickey dressed in sweats and a t-shirt, then moved downstairs. He poured himself a cup of coffee and let Cuervo Jr. out into the small fenced yard through their patio doors, stepping out after him. He didn't bother with a coat as he lit a cigarette and watched the dog sniff curiously near the fence. The chill on his skin was a surprisingly nice contrast to the hot liquid he sipped from his mug.

He thought on the many things that had been vacant throughout his life that he now had; things that had become entirely normal. Having financial stability, for one. And having someone who was always considering his feelings, supporting his decisions, and making him feel loved, for another. Sometimes it felt as if his childhood hadn't even really happened.

As he took a puff from his cigarette his eyes wandered to the bright silver band on his ring finger. He was married. _To Ian_. That alone was such a foreign concept to his youthful brain, and yet it turned out to feel like the most natural thing in the world.

When Mickey returned inside he detoured to a heating vent to warm up and watched Cuervo Jr. hop up onto the sectional couch to chew on his favorite bone, right where he left it. He wasn't sure what it was about that image exactly that triggered his will to try harder, but he was then moving upstairs to retrieve that box of tangled lights. He'd give it a try and if he sucked at it, maybe he would just wait for Ian to get home and decorate with him. The thought of them goofing around and playfully bickering while they tried their hardest to secure lights to things had him actually smiling. It sounded fun.

*

When Ian pulled into his parking spot outside of their townhouse he had to read the house number beside the door five times. There were multi-colored dancing lights framing their kitchen window, so he was sure he had somehow mindlessly parked in the wrong spot. But, as he read the numbers again and again, there was no arguing that this was his home.

He approached the front door with absurd caution and barely remembered to kick the snow from his boots before turning the handle to go inside.

He actually gasped at what he found inside. The whole place was softly glowing with different kinds of holiday lights. Had someone come over and done this for him?

Ian slowly removed his boots, as if waiting for something to jump out at him, and eyed the small table where they left their mail by the door. There was a small plastic tree with a slightly unnerving face on it that actually did make him jump a bit as he neared it and it abruptly started to sing _Jingle Bells_.

He was thinking plenty of swear words, but was physically speechless as he slowly moved out of the entry way into the glowing wonderland of lights. He glanced into the kitchen, finding all of the cupboards lined with dancing lights and eyed the staircase railing with suspicion, which was wrapped in both garland and pretty small white lights. If it wasn't for the large framed picture of him kissing Mickey's cheek on the hallway wall, he would've thought he walked into the wrong townhouse for sure.

He had just started to move towards the living room when he heard Mickey coming down the stairs.

“Hey, man,” he smiled over the railing, “What'ya think?”

Ian was still dumbfounded as he turned towards him, mouth hanging open like a petrified fish. He barely registered Cuervo Jr. had appeared and was nudging at his leg for attention. Even as he bent down to pet the dog he kept his eyes glued to Mickey.

“You?” was the only word he managed to squeeze out of his dry mouth.

Mickey laughed nervously and rubbed at the back of his neck as he moved down the hall towards Ian. “Yeah, uh, I guess I've got an eye for this shit for some reason. Never really tried to decorate before. Couldn't fuckin' stop once I started. It's actually kinda fun.”

Ian shook his head a bit in attempt to clear his mind of the shock while he stood up straight. Was he in the twilight zone? Had he stepped into another dimension?

“Looks amazing in here,” he breathlessly spoke.

Mickey was grinning out of amusement and pride as he grabbed Ian's hand and said, “C'mon.”

He let him pull him into the living room where there were shopping bags everywhere filled with all sorts of decorations. He could even see that outside Mickey had hung blue icicle lights all along the fence that surrounded their yard. The bookshelf that held their games and dvds had a beautiful arrangement of candles, garland, and tiny present boxes. And there, in the center of the room, was a fake tree waiting to be assembled.

“Since you have tomorrow off I thought we could finish decorating together. Maybe put the tree up?”

Ian never thought such an offer would made his heart quiver as it did. He was filled to the brim with love as he wrapped his hand around Mickey's neck and kissed him with every ounce of said love present on his lips. He pressed his mouth so tightly to his that both their knees seemed to grow weak. Mickey bent back until they were moving towards the floor, where Ian reached a hand out to prevent a violent landing.

Mickey was laughing heartily as he squirmed under Ian's weight, so Ian pulled away to instead lay kisses all over his face.

Cuervo Jr. curiously sniffed at Mickey's head, as if concerned about what was happening, but Ian reached up and gently pushed him back to continue lovingly pecking at Mickey's reddening, smiling face.

“It's so beautiful,” Ian said between kisses, “You're so beautiful. I love it so much.”

*

Mickey was beginning to get an idea of why Ian loved this time of the year. He had felt a lot of things while walking around the house coming up with ideas for decorating, and even more when he liked the outcomes. But, laying here on their living room floor with Ian, gazing up at pure joy sparkling in his green eyes, he felt the most. And he was ready to explore more of that.

**Author's Note:**

> I've had ideas for some of the other prompts, so I may make this a little holiday series if I like the results of my others :) Thanks for reading!


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